I used all three of my people and kind of connected them together. Hope you like it!
(1) This is perfect. The sun is shining so bright and everything looks alive. I'm glad I picked today for pictures. I get my big, black, shiny camera out and put it around my neck. It makes me feel confident and important to be walking around temple square with a beautiful goal in mind. I can't wait to get started on my photo shoot of the temple. I stroll around outside, on the lookout for the best angle. The temple is shining brightly and the trees and plants around it are so colorful. I am getting some amazing pictures here. I decide to go around to the other side and see what I can find. I stepped briskly along the beautiful path on this perfect day.
(2) Holding hands, my husband and I stepped into temple square, just like every week. It is so peaceful here. We wandered down the pathway, with no particular place in mind, just enjoying the scenery and the peace we felt here. We saw a confident young man with his glossy, black camera taking some pictures of the temple. I smiled at him and he flashed a smile back. Everything seemed so perfect and simple here, there was a word that fit this perfectly I just couldn't think of it. A young lady passed by. I looked towards her, but she dropped her gaze. She seemed like she was looking for someone and she was in a hurry. It is too bad she could not have taken the time to enjoy the beauty and peace around her. I looked up at my husband who was grinning ear to ear with contentment. He looked down at me a squeezed my hand, happily. That was it, joy. This was a place where you could easily find and feel joy.
(3) Where is he? Its 3:05 I paced nervously back and forth. It's not like him to be late, and I know that he knows where temple square is. It seems like he is here all the time. What is it about this place that he finds so fascinating? I don't see any difference except for the people. All of them are as weird as he is. There is a weird, old couple walking down the footpath, they seem so happy but I can't figure out why. The old lady tried to smile at me, I drop my gaze down at my phone. Why is everyone smiling? Why are there so many people here? Why is Tom not here yet? I look down at my phone once again, 3:07. "What a great day" I think sarcastically. The way I'm acing is probably not the best, but I have reason to be mad...I burned myself this morning while I was curling my hair, I was late to my meeting at work so my boss yelled at me, my car broke down and now Tom is taking forever to meet me here. I got so mad thinking about it that I started thinking faster and faster then I started walking faster and faster...
I was so upset that I slammed right into a guy taking pictures. The force caused him to drop his is expensive camera, which fell to the ground with a crash. I stood there with my mouth wide open. He crumpled to the ground in shock seizing up his precious camera. He turned to me and I prepared for the worst, but instead of yelling at me and telling me to look where I was going he smiled at me. "Brooklyn!" He said standing up to give me a hug. "Tom?" I asked, confused. "I'm so sorry I wasn't on the other side of the temple, I came over here to get some different shots, I should have texted you. Isn't this place amazing?" "Sure," I said, still unsure of what was going on. "Want to see some of the photos I got?" He turned to pick up his camera I had knocked out of his hands. I expected to see it broken into a million pieces, instead, it was the same shiny black camera, in once piece. "Is your camera alright?" I asked, even though it clearly was."Yup!" He said with a smile"just another blessing, isn't it great?" "Yeah..." I said thoughtfully "It really is."
"Shall we go?" my husband asked, turning to me. "Yes, but lets come back soon." I replied. We stood up from the bench we were resting on and started walking towards the gate we came in through. We passed the young man with the camera, he was sitting by the young lady who had seemed to be lost earlier today. She was smiling now and laughing with the young man. She looked up at me with a big smile full of light. I smiled back, for it is amazing how much joy can be sent through a smile.
Your writing made me tingle inside! I feel so happy right now! :) The thing that I really love about your writing is how well you explain emotions! I can feel them bleeding off the page into me! When you explain an emotion, I can literally feel that emotion! That really is a talent! I also loved how you made some names for the characters! Makes them real! :)
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I'd suggest (I know it's hard because you want to distinguish the separate characters a little more), but I think the numbers were a little distracting. It didn't allow the story to quite flow together as much, if that makes sense! You really are a good author, though!!! :) And you made me happy inside! :D I want to go jump up and down now (while doing jazz hands, cause that's just what I do ;))! :) :)
This one was SO cool! I loved how you intertwined the different stories. So creative!
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that maybe I would change (and this is just a suggestion, because it sounds good how it is) is the last line. It is such a powerful idea, and I might put a period after "I smiled back" and make a new sentence after that saying "It is amazing how much joy can be sent through a smile." Just so that it could be more crisp and bold... if that makes any sense.
Its really good, its awesome how you connected the stories. I'm not sure if this is relevant but when you said crumpled to the ground in shock it makes me think of him falling down. Not sure if that was what you were aiming for.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you intertwined all three stories! Very well written too! In the interchange between Brooklyn and Tom, maybe make it a little more clear when Tom starts talking again. This is an awesome story!
ReplyDeleteI loved how you intertwined the stories. What a fun idea. I like that some of them understand the meaning of where they are and Brooklyn just sees it as an ordinary place. It reminds us that individual experiences and perspective are important. The only thing I would suggest is that you need to watch your verb tenses.
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