I walked through Temple Square. I needed to walk the dog, and there was probably no better place than here to do it. Salt Lake is way too much of a busy place!
There were way too many people wearing nice clothes here. And a lot of young girls with name tags. Sister Missionaries. I knew who they were.
I used to be a Mormon. I'm not sure exactly what happened. Mom and Dad divorced and then it just stopped happening. That was when I was twelve. A while ago. I remember looking at the temple when I was younger and waiting for the day to come when I could finally walk inside those doors. It never happened. I didn't even start doing bapstisms.
I walked by the temple and looked up. It was a beautiful building. No wonder so many Mormons love going there, I thought. I used to want to go there. I read the words on the side. "Holiness to the Lord. The House of the Lord. Built by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints"
That's all I could see. And maybe that's why I came to Temple Square every day to walk my dog! I really do wish to go in there someday, I suppose my pride just won't let me. I slowly walked away. I'd come back here tomorrow.
Wait... why is that girl looking at me?
This one was really great! (I loved the ending too :D )
ReplyDeleteOne thing I noticed is that maybe the exclamation point after "And maybe that's why I came to Temple Square ever day to walk my dog" is kind of unnecessary...unless you really want that part to stand out. It's just that your previous point was kind of serious and peaceful, and you might want to continue with that wistful tone... I don't know if that makes any sense, but this was really good!
Awesome! I love the background you gave the girl and the longing she had to come to the temple. Your writing is really good. Maybe in the first couple paragraphs it would be good to take out one of the "way"s in the "too many/much"s, just to add a little more variety. :) This is really good!
ReplyDeleteAwesome! I love the background you gave the girl and the longing she had to come to the temple. Your writing is really good. Maybe in the first couple paragraphs it would be good to take out one of the "way"s in the "too many/much"s, just to add a little more variety. :) This is really good!
ReplyDeleteSorry, I should've read the title. Man, not girl. Whoops!
ReplyDeleteFunny ending! I like the idea of being drawn to the temple with only a small understanding of what it's about. I agree with Elisabeth about dropping some of the "way too many" kinds of phrases or varying the word usage there. On the other hand, as an author, you may decide to keep those because these are one person's thoughts and that could be part of his character--that he uses that wording a lot.
ReplyDelete