I wake up. I can hear a buzzing and loud noises. Stupid clock. I get up, resisting the urge as best as I can to get back into bed. Switch off the alarm clock. My head feels a little light, so I lean on the chair next to my desk.
I wake up. I’m on the ground. My head feels foggier than the High Court of Chancery in November.* My face is pressed against something hard. What in the world? What just happened? My back is hurting like someone took a hammer and landed a good one on my ribs. I get up. I fell next the desk in my room. I realized that I’d passed out. Odd, I thought to myself, you’ve never passed out before. What would make this morning different? I stood up, my side burning, and walked carefully over to the shelf next to my bed to get ready for the rest of the day. As I pick up my wallet to slip into my back pocket, I pass out again.
This time I fell onto my bed, luckily. Not forward onto the book shelf. My side is aching still, andI can’t seem to think very well. I don’t move, trying to think what could be making me feel like a drunk duck. I end up staggering to the bathroom to drink some water from the sink, then rushing back to my room and lying down on the ground before I get unconscious. When I wake up again, I manage to walk to the stairs leading up to the kitchen. My head feels clearer. I’m able to start the morning routine of breakfast and getting ready for class.
My side still hurts though.
I need some aspirin.
*That's right. I put a bleak house reference in my story.
Wow! You did a really good job of describing this! The only thing I think I would change is where you say "before I get unconscious" you could change it too something like "Before I fall into unconsciousness"
ReplyDeleteI loved it! You did a great job, thanks for sharing!
:D Your writing makes me laugh! That's a good thing! I just love the way you use words! Loved the 'Bleak House' reference! ;)
ReplyDeleteMaybe the only thing I'd suggest is ending it a little more as if it's "ended". I know that might make the story tons longer, and I liked the way you ended it already, I don't know, I guess I just like "finished" endings (I'm such a hypocrite, though, I never do that! I'm so bad at giving critique! :/)
Great similes John! I love the drunk duck. This definitely left me wanting to know more--what really happened? Also, is this a rewrite of something from a book or an event from your life? If an event from your life, is there another point of view? You have a talent for writing. I'm looking forward to seeing more!
ReplyDelete